i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
