Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
