Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.