Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out