Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad