Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?