Texts From Last Night

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  (352): View more from Florida

  So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field

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  (352): So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field http://tfl.nu/5are
  Replies (16) Good night (2653) Bad night (648)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.

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  (630): just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description. http://tfl.nu/30ew
  Replies (13) Good night (625) Bad night (2518)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.

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  (480): Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night. http://tfl.nu/uc8g
  Replies (6) Good night (4218) Bad night (1035)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.

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  (630): I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing. http://tfl.nu/6g2i
  Replies (17) Good night (1319) Bad night (3957)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock

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  (713): I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock http://tfl.nu/svlq
  Replies (8) Good night (1205) Bad night (3381)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.

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  (208): You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip. http://tfl.nu/pvxn
  Replies (7) Good night (2088) Bad night (928)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  and you said he wasn't worth calling.

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  (515): he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer. (1-515): and you said he wasn't worth calling. http://tfl.nu/rvi9
  Replies (17) Good night (1936) Bad night (640)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.

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  (603): He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it. http://tfl.nu/lxzp
  Replies (6) Good night (1298) Bad night (914)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Sobriety and mild self-respect

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  (336): you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs? (828): Sobriety and mild self-respect http://tfl.nu/8vbm
  Replies (5) Good night (1501) Bad night (701)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.

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  (321): She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess. http://tfl.nu/6wvy
  Replies (14) Good night (733) Bad night (2121)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.

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  (812): I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear. http://tfl.nu/1shh
  Replies (7) Good night (745) Bad night (402)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.

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  (573): You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night. http://tfl.nu/alam
  Replies (6) Good night (1326) Bad night (490)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT

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  (804): Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT http://tfl.nu/kgfg
  Replies (0) Good night (556) Bad night (318)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"

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  (978): I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it" (978): or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored" http://tfl.nu/zr7x
  Replies (3) Good night (817) Bad night (529)
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  (543): View more from

  So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.

  (543): View more from

  You are an idiot.

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  (543): So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot? (256): Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot. (543): You are an idiot. http://tfl.nu/5bpj
  Replies (6) Good night (1592) Bad night (320)

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