something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
