And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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