Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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