Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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