Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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