God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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