Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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