How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
