Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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