I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
