i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
