I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hippo gnu deer
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
