Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
