Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
