i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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