I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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