I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
