Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We are all done wearing pants today
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
