i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
