Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
