wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this will be a night to untag.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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