The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
