i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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