you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
