my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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