So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
