"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
