Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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