I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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