It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
