these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
two words: eviction party
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
