I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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