I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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