I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
