how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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