he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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