Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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