He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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