I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
