Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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