Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
