woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
