This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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