Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
