I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
