Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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