Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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