I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
