i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
