so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
