Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
