if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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