I am puke
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
