there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
