i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize