Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
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