I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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