when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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