dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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