if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
