As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
