My first STD was from a foam party
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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