He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
