dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
