i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
