I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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