we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
